You cannot be influential unless you accept influence (Gottman, 2010) – this is not pressure, power, cajoling, convincing. It is about establishing commonality, respect, and shared vision – for any couple who has worked with me they will be familiar with the Venn diagram image that I use to visualize common ground or shared goals/themes- often couples are struggling to identify any areas of overlap  as visualized in the first image image. Accepting influence is about decreasing resistance not increasing compliance.

Disconnection

 

 

establishing points of overlap