A major social revolution is now in progress as baby boomers join the ranks of elders in truly historic proportions. It is estimated that by 2035 almost one in four Americans will be over 65 years of age. This large group of people will likely redefine how we look at the later decades of life, just as they have revised our view of what it means to be 30, 40 or 50. Because they will be living longer and staying healthier than any previous age group, this generation will have opportunities for personal growth never before imagined.

Our culture puts much emphasis on the physical aspects of aging and the financial security necessary for retirement. Health and finances can certainly determine a person’s quality of life as they age. However, if we want to look back with acceptance and satisfaction at the end of the journey, we must also attend to the mental and emotional tasks necessary to gain integrity and wisdom.

The mental tasks of aging

The mental tasks of aging often start with a life review — an attempt to re-evaluate and assemble our puzzle pieces of experience to make sense of it all. From these pieces certain themes usually emerge. Most often, the themes were created by family, culture or religion, and require a mental journey back to childhood. By using “hindsight” to reframe past mistakes, they can now be “mined” for nuggets of wisdom or recognized as learned coping strategies rather than character flaws. The mental process of putting to rest the “what ifs” and “should haves” takes courage and persistence, as well as a willingness to let go. But the result can be a new, positive self-image and, more importantly, deeper compassion for self and others. It involves revising and assigning new meaning to the main events of the journey, and becoming the author of your own past, present and future life story. Long-buried dreams can be uncovered during this work and used to re-vitalize the progress toward a more authentic self. A therapist or life coach can be very helpful as a guide in this re-authoring process.

The emotional tasks of aging

According to Erikson’s developmental tasks, the challenge of old age is to resolve the conflict between integrity and despair. Successful resolution of this conflict produces wisdom. Wisdom can be very difficult to define, but has to do with accepting the messiness of life and the limitations of being human, without falling into the abyss of hopelessness. A wise person can integrate head and heart, and move beyond the personal to the universal or spiritual.

The emotional tasks of aging usually start with a “midlife crisis.” This term has been used to describe the mental and emotional reckoning so many face in our 40s or early 50s. Although it may feel like a crisis, it is actually an important developmental stage, often brought on by the startling realization that half of one’s life may be over. This can lead to anxiety, depression, or drastic and irrational decisions. But there is also another factor operating on the emotional level: the evolutionary force that runs like an undercurrent through our lives. This current can run unnoticed, like a silent river, for years while we focus on daily activities. But sooner or later it will start to bubble up, sometimes as a vague sense of discontent with the status quo, other times as a sudden insight causing upheaval and drastic change. Once out in the open, the new awareness cannot be put back in the box and a transformation will happen.

The process of creating a new life story involves the courage to experience emotions that we may have avoided for most of our lives. We have to grieve the losses, forgive ourselves and others, and, if possible, heal relationships that went wrong along the way. The realities of aging also force us to do the emotional work of accepting declining stamina or failing health, and mourn the loss of those we love as we face the ultimate reality of our own death.

All this is heavy work. It can be a major challenge to process grief and feel, rather than avoid emotional pain. But this work can prevent the feelings from developing into a chronic condition of depression or anxiety, and open the door to continued personal and spiritual growth. As they have harvested their experiences for wisdom and created a meaningful story of their life, they are now ready be a leader, mentor or advisor to their community, the world or the younger generation. Or they may simply chose to be the family storyteller, preserving the family stories and myths that provide a bridge to the future, knowing with satisfaction that their life had purpose.

Liv Arafat works for Get Connected Counseling, LLC. She is an experienced licensed professional counselor (LPC) who is certified in EMDR and trained in Brainspotting. Liv loves to share new information with her clients and see them get empowered to better manage stress and worry, improve their performance or change their lifestyle. She feels fortunate to practice in the counseling field at this unique and exciting moment, when the latest neurobiological research shows that we can literally change our brains! For more information, call 920-750-6120 or visit http://getconnectedcounseling.com.